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What are we made of?

"You have to learn to love yourself and be proud of yourself. Only you can learn how to do that."


 



These are the words that my husband did not shy away from when we had a heart to heart conversation a few nights ago. I don't remember how we even landed on the topic, or why it seemed so important for him to talk to me about it, until I actually began to think about his words. When I began dating my now husband, I specifically recall every time I ever told him how lucky I was to be with him and how wonderful he was. I made sure he knew how much value he had from my point of view, that I left out the fact that the same woman telling him this, was the same woman who did not see that same amount of value in herself. It was not until my husband brought that up as well, that I realized how broken I really was. I never realized that I had been lying to myself for a very long time as well.


The first point I paid attention to, was how I should take "pride" in who I am, and who I represent when it comes to my last name. As I sat there that night pondering this comment, I realized there were bits and pieces of truth to it, but I did need to make some adjustments to make it completely correct. I needed to learn how to find joy in who I am and who I represented just by breathing. My last name isn't my legacy, although there are countless people who may disagree with me, I'm sure. My values and purpose that I am called to fulfil with my life is who I am, and what I will choose to represent. I was created with a calling on my life, and I have to make sure I don't confuse the plan for my life with the plan this world will give me.


The second point I dissected would be the the fact that I cannot love others when I don't even like myself. That one hit hard and hurt a lot more. I had to begin to realize that if I carry negative feelings towards myself, then I am not fully capable of loving others with a positive and unconditional intention. If I am to love others as I am to love myself, what does that say in how I love at all? When you have made the effort to love others and not like yourself your whole life, it is extremely difficult to accept blame for being your own road block. After years of thinking I was being "selfless" I was actually doing a disservice to those around me, and I have to become aware and take ownership of how I want to love myself, because it will directly affect how I choose to love anyone else.


Lastly, I have learned how important effort is. The amount of effort you decide to require for yourself, will be the same amount of effort you will usually get from others. Now when I say this, I am referring to the effort you put forth for the things that inspire you and make you want to get up everyday to improve. When I began writing these blog posts, I began to understand this concept on a new level entirely. When you work as a team, you have to expect effort in order to be successful. You have to have hard work and dedication to show for the visions you have, whether it be just for yourself, or maybe even something bigger that involves more than just you. Either way, you must be willing to show effort as often as you can.


In conclusion, I've learned how the daily conversations we have with one another can spark a lesson, even if it may be unintentional. I never would have guessed that the materials I needed for this post were waiting for me one night inside the walls of my own house and with my husband. I guess it's because it's been awhile since we've been able to tackle a conversation that could have been extremely controversial if we let it, but instead used it not only as a point of view, but also as an important life lesson that more people could make use of. So, have the hard discussions with people you know very well, or maybe people you may not know at all. You might be as surprised as I was to find something so meaningful come from a late night talk.

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