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The weight of grief

Imagine the jokes you all hear on April Fools Day every year, whether it be minor jokes that make you laugh, dark humor, or even jokes that may hit a little too close to home. Now picture this: eleven years ago there is a family who is altogether in a house that was made a home throughout two generations at the time. There's a hospital bed in the living room where the kids used to sit and watch tv, play with Pokémon cards and Yu-Gi-Oh cards in the middle of the floor, or the occasional fights that siblings always have over the most ridiculous things. This room that used to be so alive with activity was now the room where everyone waited, holding their breath and holding back tears of the heartbreaking reality that was unfolding. I remember thinking "this has got to be the cruelest joke ever on April Fools Day by far." You never have enough time to process what's about to happen. There's never enough time to hold onto when it comes down to the end of someone's journey in this life. Grief is weird. It is one of the most unimaginable experiences in my personal opinion. I have spent half of my life trying to learn how to combat this emotion, or lack thereof. When something you would define as a "tragedy" happens, you don't understand the world around you in that moment. Nothing makes sense in what's going on around you in the world and it is so easy to feel lost without any sense of direction to guide you. I'm asking that if you believe you'll find a solution to grief, then you have the wrong blog post and I wish that wasn't the case here. What I can offer you is how I've learned what helps me every single time I remember the moment I had to face this at such a confusing time in my life. I was raised in a Christian family. I was taught that you go to church every week on Sundays, Bible study usually took place on Wednesday nights, Vacation Bible School was always in the middle of Summer, etc. Once I encountered grief, I lost a sense of direction in my Faith. I entered into the depression and anger stage. Usually when they explain grief they use the five stages, which are usually spoken about in an order, which is: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. this process was actually researched and wrote about by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross who was a Swiss-American psychiatrist and considered to be a pioneer in near-death studies. What I learned when I was going through my course to become a CNA is the fact that they don't always go in this exact order, and there's nothing abnormal about the way you grieve. It is a personal experience that you learn to maneuver on your own. I actually got saved the year that I went through my CNA course and gave my life to God back in April of 2018 on Easter, eight years after one of the most important people in my life finished their last journey in this world and into what I believe to be eternity in the presence of our Creator. Usually science and medicine drives some people away from religion, but I believe it helped remind me of my Faith while giving me the ultimate choice to be a believer. I still have days where it feels like I am stuck, but then I remember that this world will have sorrows, but joy is just around the corner.

 

"For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5

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